Aww, I miss you too Katy! You and Mario are missing for far too long, makes me all lonesome and deprived feeling. I would so come out there and track you down if I didn't have this irrational fear of all states east of New Mexico....All those wierd f*** movies you see, where people get murdered by some crazy son of a bitch on the back road of some middle-of-bum-f*** town, they all take place in the mid states or the east states or any state not California. lol, I'm serious, I saw Wrong Turn! And Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Jeepers Creepers. f*** all that shit, I'd like to see some Leather face bastard try that shit in the middle of Los Angeles...he'd probably get gunned down by gangs before he got a chance to hurt anyone.
Anyways, yeah, I'm kinda buzzed because me and Alex and Angela drank some and smoked out just a little bit ago. I didn't do much, so I'm not stoned off my ass giggling and what not, but I'm kinda dim and slow. I'm sure Eternal can realate to THAT. OOOOOOO, what a burn!
lol, sorry, figured I'd poke fun at him since he's not here to defend himself and all that jazz. He used to try to compete with me for the long comments...but he always quadrupal spaced his shit! Cheater cheatet pants on -- wait, that's liar liar pants on fire....what would a cheater be? Cheater cheater pumpkin eater....no, that's Peter Peter...f***. Cheater cheater...pants on....the heater....and THEN they catch on fire!
Ok, yeah, that was kinda off track and I really don't know where I was going with it. So I'm done. Miss you. Miss Mario. Smother him with affection for me, rain praises on him for his wonderful quote skills, he is the master.
*read Anonymous and Mario's comments* Yeah, that's why you gotta use Energizer, cuz it keeps going and going and going...
lol, yeah, anyways, I am here! Yes, I have to start making more time for my diary gang (yes, we're going to start a gang, and we will jump people in with a jump rope like in Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood) But yeah, I miss all of you here, so I must make sure to come more often because it's just no fun with you guys...especially you Katy, my partner in crime via website.
Don't you just hate it when a guy is like almost perfect, and then he opens his mouth and totally ruins it for you? Cereally, Mark was like one of the cutest guys I'd ever met, just so perfect, but he had some of the most asinine opinions I'd ever heard, seriously, totally ignorant shit that totally dropped his bueno-rating by like 20 points.
So yeah, I suggest you just keep on having fun while you can, because fun is so hard to find these days! And make sure Mario isn't too mean to himself, smother him with affection in my place, assure him of his absolute buenotasticness. lol, and do the same for yourself. Every day when you wake up, sit up in bed and announce to yourself "Raquel thinks I'm buenotastic." Yeah, you might not do it every day, but I bet you'll do it the fist time after you read this, because it'll pop in your head! MUAHAHAHAHA, it's all part of my plan to...I dunno...spread high self-esteem through out the land!
I agree with Anonymous... its a bitch when they run out of batteries.. its like yes..yes..yes..ohhhh yes..yes..yes..yes.ye.ye.ye.ye.y.y.yyyyyyy. .NOOOOO!!!! ahhhh.. ran out of batteries :(.. but really... lately it seems like everyone is frustrated these days.. either sexualy or just cause something didn't go exactly the way they expected.. but cheer up.. guys are not all bad.. not saying I'm any good but I'm sure there is someone. and YOU'RE NOT FAT!!!!! believe me. and I don't have low standards.. I have no standards at all. I'm easy like sunday morning :).
And lastly.. you should go out and find a good guy. Stop wasting your time with me and go out and find someone that will make you happy.. thats all that I wanted to say.. dont take any of it seriously, just my stupid ramblings.
lol, YES, I'm so glad you used the word Buenoness, I feel so proud of you Katy, seriously. *tears* my little katy, all grown up and using words that don't really exist.
lol, yeah, it's my thing, the world bueno. I just add it to anything. Buenotastic, Buenoness, THE bueno, the ANTI-Bueno, UNbueno. It used to irritate the shit out of my spanish teacher.
Anyways, I'm not supposed to be online, but I wanted to comment to you. I'm going to write another entry and I'll answer all your questions about Djata. I got another email from that guy. I emailed him turning him down and he sent me an email back! Greatness. lol, anyways, i'll update later, hopefully.
Mario has a good point with his comment...it's always an option. I saw the movie Monster, I know what's up.
lol, anyways, so you don't know what you want to do with your life huh? Interesting. God that sucked, I started college with no idea what I wanted or where I was headed, so I just kinda wasted a whole year doing shit that I thought I should be doing. When I finally figured out what I wanted, I felt LOADS better, because I suddenly knew what I was going to do and I knew what steps I had to take to get there. Having a set goal and an idea of how to get to that goal...made me feel so much better, like I had a purpose.
What interests you? What do YOU want to do, be, etc. This one guy who was talking to us about careers in jr high said this: "First, figure out what you love to do. Then, figure out a way to get people to pay you for doing it." lol, seriously though, go after something that will make you happy, don't be one of those people that goes to work all day at a job they HATE and then bitches about it when they get home.
You could always be a secret agent with me. lol, yes, I really liked the idea. I could so see us doing it! We could do drug busts, like Corky Ramano style! Bullshitting our way through foreign languages because we don't know a damn world of Tagali. Actually, I do know how to say "Who's your daddy?" -- Sin tone ta ty mo (that's the phonetic spelling...)
ANYWAYS, yeah, I'm babbling, but only because I miss you! *tear* And yea, I have talked to Angel. He deleted his entries though! and when I did talk to him it was kinda...not bueno...I dunno, I was worried but after talking to him I'm...more worried. Not really, he seemed ok in general, I think that sharing all that and then having so many people show sympathy for him when he's so used to not getting any sympathy at all, I think it kinda freaked him out. But he is still around from what I've seen.
Yeah, so that's all for now. I'll let you go...*tackles Katy* no I won't! I'll never let go jack -- er, Katy... *akward silence* Yeah...lol, sorry, i'm in a wierd joking mood and I'm bored.
Yeah, I never wanted to grow up either. Peter Pan was my hero. I love those moments, where it wasn't anything incredibly special or amazing, just a simple moment of pleasure that sticks with you for so long.
Once, during my senior year, Danielle and Kevin drove me home cuz I lived in another city and usually made this long ass bus and metrolink commute to get to school. So they drove me home, and they came inside. My grandma's house, so dull and f***ing irritating. Her house is so NICE and fancy, you feel like you can't sit on the furniture because it's too expensive, you know?
So anyways, I get Danielle a glass of water and when I'm handing it to her Kevin hits me a little and accidentally spills it on me. He laughs and says he's sorry, I say that's ok, and I empty the rest of the glass on his head. Some gets on Danielle, so she goes and gets so more water and dumps it on me. Then Kevin gets a glass and throws it on her, and before I knew it there was this huge water fight going on inside my grandma's fancy stiff house. I ran out into the back yard to get away from Kevin, and when he came after me, I had picked up the hose and I blasted him. OMG, the whole thing was just funny, we ended up getting both hoses and just the three of us kept attacking each other. By the end we were standing in the front yard, all of us soaking wet, people driving by and staring as we start peeling our wet clothes off.
Jesus, it was just one of those moments. LIke when it was over, when they helped me clean up and left, all I could do was smile and think, I hope I remember this day forever.
Nice entry to read. A little sad to think about, but mostly nice to remember the moments. You're most bueno katy.
Thank you for you’re concern, but there is really nothing to be so concerned about. It was a growing point in my life. A point of change and self-relation.People today, think I am so happy, so outgoing, so romantic, so with peace…. However; people need to understand why and how. How I am so outgoing and with peace and why. I share that story so people understand that I can back up knowledge with experience. I am who I am for a reason. I say what I say for a reason. There is point, and for the fact that I am not just babbling on with no idea or point to meaning. However, I have extreme appreciation for you’re concern. (Thank you, really….)
Katy, it’s been awhile. I haven’t talked to you in ages or been on MDD in some time. I hope everything in you’re life is good. You know, -be cool! Don’t drink too much….
All that good stuff. LoL.
Anyways, I really agree when you say you can’t love someone if you can’t trust them. Love comes with trust. Almost like in Meet The Fukers… (Little circle of trust)
-Good movie.
Trust is a must have in a relationship. A lot of relationships get jealous with one another these days and it never works out because of that. Getting jealous is just another form of not trusting the ones you love.
One last thing, at the end of you’re diary post… (All you need is love, love lifts you off the ground) –good movie!!! Yuan Macgregor, and urhm, Mulan Rudge!! That’s it! I think….
I really hope life is going well for you, all that good stuff. J
Angel>> I didn't really cry, but just felt sad. Besides, I dont' cry! I smile! Unless they're tears of happiness... then I cry. Or when wind gets into your eye, then I cry. And sometimes when I'm cutting onions too. But I try not to do that too often.
Raquel>> I agree with your placement on truth. I think at one time I did have truth for the base of it all, but then I decided that I didn't want everything to be based on truth because then it makes it harder to deal with when that trust is broken. Ya know? If it's not all based on something so important, then it cant' really hurt when you get disappointed with it. But I dont' know. Things are kinda changing I guess.
I hope you didn't really cry for me, I don't want to make you cry. This online diary will most likely be filled with a lot of dark thoughts, it's why I created it, so I can't really say I'm sorry.
I didn't think what you said was wierd or creepy, rest assured. It's normal to sympathize with others, so its not like you're at all strange.
When you think of it, I really have no one to blame but myself for the situation. I chose to go along with the act, I put up the good front, and now I complain that I've done too good a job of fooling everybody. Seems kind of idiotic to me, but nevertheless. It's easier to look at people and see the happy side, it makes us feel better. You can have your problems and life struggles, and then you can turn to your friend who is always cheerful, always happy and out going, always ready to smile and laugh. Helps us escape our own troubles. But then when you find out that they hide their own pains, that behind the smile they are biting their tongue to hold back the tears. . .it makes us feel bad, it shatters the illusion they once held for us.
That's what I am for a great many of the people who call themselves my friends. I am an illusion of normalcy, they can look at me and feel better, knowing that I am stable and content, a perfect anchor to keep them grounded. But at the slightest hint of discontent that would contradict their ideal, they shut down their minds, they don't want to accept any truth but theirs. A lot of people are like that, it's not their fault or mine or anyone else's really. I think most of all I need to get out and get away from here, go somewhere new and start over, were people don't have all these preconsieved ideas of how I should be.
But that's just a dream for the future, for now I'll just grit my teeth and bare it, because that's what we all have to do at some point in life or another.
Woot says I! You got the quote! I loves you! (I loveded you piggy, I loved-ed YOU ~ yes, GIR is my HERO)
lol, I like the rings. I once bought this thing at Claires that came with a bunch of different bracelets that said different words on them, like one said spoiled, brainy, different things. I got them and gave one to each of my friends that I felt they described. lol, I got the one that said mischievous.
As for your rings, I think the only one I'd change is truth. I'd put truth before them all, because truth to yourself, being able to recognize your hopes and faith honestly without letting other people press theirs oneto you -- truth is what you need to see your way through out the world full of confusion.
After having read yours and Raquel's back and forth comments, particularly her last one on your previous entry, I have come to the conclusion that females are in fact insane. I can't say that it's just Raquel, because the two of you seem very deeply -- connected -- through your insanity. I almost fear the idea of ever coming across either of you in the real world, I don't know how I would cope with such madness.
Don't take that too seriously, you'd be amazed at how many people mistake my teasing for truth. I actually think it's interesting to watch the lightheartedness you both seem to express so often. Too many of the girls/women [whatever you prefer to call them. . .calling them women somehow makes them seem so much older, but they are not little girls are they?] that surround me are very busy trying to act sophisticated. It seems like they've been that way all my life, wanting to grow up fast and leave silly behavior behind them. As if they think I would be more impressed by them if they act so very mature all the time. First of all, maturity can't be faked, and secondly, constantly being mature bores me to no end. Christ, I'm only 20. Can you enlighten me on this at all? I'd like a female perspective on it.
Comments on this entry specifically, I think I very much agree with your ordering, your explainations seem logical enough, and I think I would go with the same order you chose. Though I don't think I'd ever wear 5 silver rings that said those things on my hand. . .
Who knows, maybe I'll try it sometime. I've got to go update before I sign off. Almost forgot -- I enjoyed your comment on my entry, very good point you made with the soldiers and with the terminally ill.
You Will Be Happy -- Whether You Like It Or Not (a film staring Katy and Raquel)
Opening scene ~~ Katy and Raquel parachute into the middle east, armed with huge BARRELS of ice cream, episodes of family guy, and every Bush joke ever written
*points a squirt gun at an anry iraqi soldier* "You will be happy or so help me god I will USE this. Smile damn it! Smile!
~~End Scene
lol, sorry, it just totally came to me when I read 'be happy....DAMMIT!!!' lmao. Buenoness rating is skyrocketing, believe you me. We could bomb the middle east with laughing gas.
Anyways, lol, gracias mucho for your comment, lol, pretty dead on. AngelofChaos' comment and yours..and now your entry...have inspired my next diary entry. YES! I will write about the buenoness, while hyped up on cola and pixie stix! Pixie stix are my drug of choice. What idiot invented that candy? Obviously not a parent, because no parent would willingly invent a candy that is a little stick FILLED WITH PURE FLAVORED SUGAR!!!! *hugs the pixie stix close* Pixie stix, you my only friend. (lol, change pixie stix to "abba zabba" and WHAT movie is that quote from? Mario better know this...though I don't know if he'll read this...SHITE)
*cough* yeah, back onto the subject at hand, lol, I very much agree with you, lol, and I added more onto a comment I wrote AngelofChaos earlier...
But, I also want to point out that it's not wrong to feel shitty about your own situations. People like to act as if because others have it so much worse than you, you have no right to feel bad about your life. Yeah, that guy missing half of his face is really bad, and compared to the bad things in your life, you have it really sweet, right? But YOU'VE never experienced that, your worst time isn't that extreme, so even though you can sympathize with him, you really don't KNOW what it means to have your face gone. And so when you look at your life, maybe divorce IS the worst thing to enter your world so far. Just because I've been through worse, doesn't mean you can't feel bad about it, because it's YOUR lowest time in life, you know?
I don't know if I worded that too well, but I'm sure you understood it all, because you rock like that Katy. lol, I just wanted to say that, because I hate it when people act like "Oh, I've been through worse, so you have no RIGHT to complain." I mean, yeah, I'm sorry for those who've suffered a lot more than me, but my life is my life. It's like when I say that I believe there are planes of happiness, same goes for sadness I guess.
lol, well, I plan to write an entry, so I'll cut it here for now. Talk to you later Katy kat
*grabs a cup of warm chocolate* (lol, since Chris always has his damned coffee)
(and yes WARM chocolate! Because whenever you drink hot chocolate it's always too hot to drink, so you have to wait for it to cool down, or you take a drink and burn the shit out of your tongue and can't taste anything for the rest of the day! So I've decided that I shall invent WARM chocolate! muahahahahaha, totally skip the cooling process and straight to the enjoyment! ....yeah, and I'm so done with that tangent)
Anyways, I think it sounds like you've intrigued Richard. Maybe because you actually have the willpower to stick to a decision you've made rather than just falling head over heels for a cute guy. I've known guys who are like that, they kinda think that all girls are alike, but once they meet a girl that isn't like all the rest, that girl becomes more and more attractive to them because she's something different, she's something special, and they want that. They don't want what they can have with a million other girls, because there's nothing special or unique about it, it's the girl that makes them feel different they want, because she's more real than the other ones they've been with. lol, that's just going off of what some guys have told me.
One guy I met was really cute, all the girls wanted him and flirted with him and thought he was SO funny. But I wasn't really impressed, because i could tell he wasn't even really trying, he was just getting by on his looks and the fact that girls liked him. So when he realized that I wasn't too taken with him, he suddenly became extremely taken with ME. When we actually got to talking about it and I asked him point blank WHY, he said something like "Because you're not like everyone else." I dunno, hope that maybe sheds some light on it for you.
But another thing, when's the date when you can start dating again? Next November? Hmm, I just want to suggest that you don't hold too strongly to that date. What if you miss out on something really REALLY special because you have this preconsieved idea in your mind that you CAN'T date until that time. I'm not saying throw away your goal for the first interesting guy that comes your way, but at least be open to the idea, you know? Like if a guy came a long who was really something special, and he really proved that it wasn't just a passing infatuation, I hope you'd give it a chance, because I wouldn't want you to pass up a chance for real happiness.
*spikes my warm chocolate* well, that's all I have for now. As for the dream interpretation, I think you may be right about a lot of it. Like the thinking I'm not having the impact I want on some people. Mainly where Richard and Jeanette are concerned....and my brothers sometimes...and a lot of people. lol, I just tend to take on a lot of responisibility for the people I love, whether I have to or not, and then I end up feeling pretty bad if they don't do as well, it's like a personal failure....very unbueno.
anyways, I'll update my diary later today, I have some tostadas to make. Talk to you later Katy.
Pishaw, everyone knows the best thing before sliced bread was...was....hmmm, I'm not quite sure....SHIT. What I want to know is why everyone says 'best thing since sliced bread' as if there hasn't been a million other things that are WAY better than sliced bread. Like indoor plumbing, the sexual revolution, mind expansion, free birth control...ME. The list goes on and on.
Inspired by you, I looked up my own horoscope for the coming day: The thing that drives you may not always be good for you. Distract yourself from this obsession by helping someone whose problem you can solve. Once you have a little distance, fight to preserve it.
I swear that must be talking about Richard...jesus. Remember that thing we talked about in a few private messages? What we DO do as apposed to what they WANT us to do? (if you don't remember I'll private message remind you) Yeah...the pressure is on and I don't know how long I'll last. I need distance....DISTANCE ME KATY! DISTANCE ME!
I think what I really need is to find someone else to take my mind off it all....
LMAO *at the down and dirty with a smurf part* Omg, that was a f***ing hoot and a half Katy. Jesus.
Never tried to dye my hair an unatural color. Once I came home and my mom randomly asked if I wanted to dye my hair purple...lol, I declined, but that's the kind of mother I have. She's the one who had the idea to peirce my nose, since she has a peircing gun and all. Came home one day, she suggested it, I said why not, as long as my brother Alex went first, then I went. Ah...memories....
lol, yeah, boys are...not exactly complicated...more like too simple for us overly complex girls to truly understand. But I say have fun with it all, have fun and try your best not to hurt anyone, and as long as you're open and honest about everything with them then no one can say you played games with them.
I'd kill to see you get down and dirty with a smurf....lol, which one? *thinks about it* EWWW, mental image of you and papa smurf!!! I gotta go purify my mind now! I'm going to go to church and confess. Can you imagine THAT confessional encounter?
"Bless me father, for I have sinned."
"Oh, hello Raquel! Fifth time today isn't it?"
*glare* "Yeah, uh, let's make with the confessing here father, I gotta few sins scheduled in about a half an hour."
"Right, tell me your sins."
"I had impure thoughts."
"Nothing new."
"True, but these ones were different than most."
"How so?"
"I imagined Katy getting down and dirty with papa smurf."
*long pause* "What did it look like?"
*falls off the bench* "huh?"
*cough* "Uh...ten Our Fathers and five bloody mary's and don't do it again."
~End Scene~
lol, ok, I'm done with the whole losing my mind part of the comment, talk to you later katy kat.
Dude, first off, I'm so jealous that you got the roswell dvds. I LOVED that show! But it stopped showing and switched days and channels and what not, and now I'm lost to it forever! I actually met Brandon Fehr, GOD he's just as cute in person. Court was with me and she said "I like your pants...they're tight." Damn you, I just saw those dvd's at best buy too and I wanted them!!
Hmmm, there was something else I wanted to say but it totally just flew right out of my head...I can't think of it. Damn me.
As far as new years kisses, of course I'll get them! I'm going to line everyone up and kiss them all in one big row nonstop. I'm going to get the last kiss of 2004 of all the people i love, and then the first kiss of 2005. lol, I remember one year some guy went and puked at the stroke of midnight...yeah, no kisses for him.
Anyways, I'll be back later. There must be something wrong with MDD favorites list, because it said you didn't update, then I come here to find like 3 entries I didn't read! Damn you MDD, trixy bastards.
Music is so wonderful, could never live without it. Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice had the underlying theme that those who didn't love music were unhappy, bitter BASTARDS! Yeah, Billy 'speare and that idea right on the nose!
lol, have you ever had one of those times when you were feeling extremely emotional, either happy or sad or whatever, and you turn on the radio and it's a song that SO goes with your mood?
When Anthony was in camp, that song by Yellow Card, Ocean Avenue, used to really make me think of him. Especially the line "if I could find you now things would get better." It just felt that way, like everything would be better if Anthony was there.
Music is great, though sometimes I think I was born in the wrong time. So much of the music that comes out these days is just total CRAP to me. Like it's catchy, something I'll sing along with or dance to, but it's really just fluff, bullshit with not meaning behind it what so ever! I love classic rock, probably because my mom loves it. The Doors, Led Zepplin, Queen, ELO -- all those bands, music I could just drift away to. Ever heard "the mission" by ELO? Good song to listen to while looking up at the stars.
And I'm done with the babbling for now. lol, just today when I woke up, my grandpa wanted to talk to me. He said thanks for his card and that it had meant a lot to him, better than any gift I could have given him. And then he gave me $300. Woot says I! He gave my brothers $100 each, so yes, I feel special. And then we went out and spent most of it on gifts for each other. Bueno day.
Nikki, I'm trying my best I swear!!!!!!! Mark is number one on my list! Darn that Katie Huffman!!! I keep harpign on my bro telling him to find out if their still dating. Do you know how much I would jump on that if they weren't?!?!??! mmmmm, sexy mark. *chills* *chills again* alrighty. And I'm gettin sick of being a virgin so he better get rida her fast! jk. but not really. Yea, Just thought I'd let you know that my quest for Mark has not been forgotten. Timmy's like a rest stop along the way. But yea, I appreciate the comment!
That's what I hated about the first three years of my highschool life, all the drama and games. Before, when I was in elementary school, I may not have had a lot of friends or popularity, but at least I didn't have that drama. But when the friends and popularity came, the bullshit came with them.
People acting one way to your face and talking shit behind your back. Girls hating you because you date or hang out with or maybe even just TALK TO a guy they like. Girls going after a guy because they know YOU like him. Guys lying about stupid shit. Everyone knowing everyone elses' business, wanting to judge everything you do, wanting to tell you what they think of the things you do. I never liked that game, but it was all around. Senior year I just said f*** it and cut it out of my life, anyone who tried to bring drama to me I just walked away from.
You know why they do that? Because they can't be happy with their own lives. They want to feel important, that's why they like to judge, because they want THEIR opinion of you to matter in some way. They're not happy and they want to kill the joy in anyone else's life. They know they don't have the strength to not care what people think of them, so they want to make sure you don't either.
But you know, in the end, it doesn't matter what they think. The worst thing in the world to do is walk away from a good thing because someone else didn't think it was good. If you're happy with something, that's all that counts. Think about it, if you f*** up a good thing, and then you're miserable, are THEY miserable with you? THEY, who wanted to force their opinions on you, do they experience your unhappiness with you? f*** NO.
It's easy for people to judge us because they don't have to live with the consequences of following through with their advice. It's easy to sit a safe distance away and tell someone what they should or shouldn't do, because either way, you know it doesn't affect you.
I don't play games, I don't pretend to like people when I don't, anything I say behind a person's back I'm more than willing to say to their face. I don't fake feelings for people because my love is one of the most valuable gifts I have to give a person, I wouldn't depreciate it's value by faking it for people I don't care about. I like to know where I stand with people, and I let them know where they stand with me. There are only a few people whose opinions I value, and if you're not one of them and you try to pass judgement on me, it doesn't matter to me. I don't need their approval, and most of all I don't WANT it.
I don't know exactly when I got to this point, but it's incredibly...liberating. To be able to be yourself and know that you're happy with the person you are, then it doesn't matter what 'they' say, because you're beyond their reach. You're dancing like nobody is watching.
Ever read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand? Good book...the plot was interesting enough, but the best part was the whole meaning behind it all, the philosophy that it expressed. The most simplistic explaination I can give is that it's about living your life for your own happiness because that's the ONLY way to live. You can't live through someone else, and someone else can't live through you. You should read it if you never have.
"Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world -- to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage." ~Peter Keating (a character from The Fountainhead)
Peter Keating is a character who lets the opinions of others govern his life. He never really does what HE wants or what will make HIM happy, he does what others want for him. And that's his downfall, very sad really.
Hmmm, well, that's enough for the English lesson I guess. My comments do have a way with running away with me. Hope this was some help...just don't worry about everyone else. Real friends don't judge us, they just want us to be safe and happy, whether it's something they would do or not.
(I feel for you, and know exactly what you’re talking about)
The advice that I can give is this: People love to toy with our emotions only to see how we will react to them in the end. Our friends, play as you call it (the bull shit game) Now this game is only relevant to us if we ourselves believe in the bull-shit itself. You have to go beyond it! You have to see through it and not give a flying shit about what they think, he thinks, or the world thinks for the matter.
(You can be good and bad at the same time)
(It all depends on how you perceive the situation)
I also think that it’s great that you want to just have fun; Hell, I mean go for it if it’s want you want to do. Swim with great white sharks if it’s what you want to do. Join the circus for all I care if it’s what you want to do! You see, people can give you advice or stereotype you; however, it’s up to you if you’re interested in taking in that information or not.
Now, about predictability; I’m going to be blunt, I think its f***ing amazing that you love not knowing what’s going to happen next!!
I mean- Hell yeah!
Anyways Katy, just live life! Live it with-out the thought of anyone or anything in your mind. Live life like there is no tomorrow and today will never stop. Live it as if freedom of thought doesn’t exist. Live it the way you want, date who you want and be happy! That’s the advice I can give you online…
You know, it would be different if everyone on this web-sight went to school together, or met up once a year or something. I just think part of caring for a friend is giving them comfort; however, there is only so much one can do with words….
-Feel better.
-Feel happy.
-You have many people in the world that care about you, love life for that. No stress.
I love flirting / Boys are drama / He is missing her / I think you are lonely / The more I see him the more I love him / Love is war
That's all I can think up for now.
As for your comment on your entry, don't worry, I'm not going to trip on you for being honest, I prefer it. And actually all the things you said are all the things I'm worried about. I know I have to talk to her about it and just be as straight forward as possible, because if she's looking for a relationship with me, I can't give her that, and I don't want to lead her on in any way.
And as for Richard, yeah, I would never want to hurt him. But the thing is he does the same things Jeanette does to me, more in fact. When ever we're alone, there's just always this electricity that sparks there, and it's not because I want it to be or anything. He just changes a lot, becomes a lot sweeter. We always play fight, but if we're ever play fighting when we're alone, he becomes more physical. And every touch lingers...
Friends are confusing, more trouble than they're worth sometimes! lol, that's what I tell myself when I'm angry that I can't stop thinking about a situation with my friends. Oh well, that's life.
Well, it looks like fun; I want to make random words with thoughts!!
*Ohh, Ahhh*
I don’t think mine will be as creative as yours….
*Hrmm*
Damn, I’m just not too good at this…
It’s cool what you did though, almost like I can feel all your emotions with each word that you said. Keep up the creativity….
(By the way about your comment on my diary)
-Thanks for the words of wisdom; I always appreciate an optimist thought. However, I think Dark Angel would kill me with nails and thorns if you ever joined that so called Fan Club…. I’m studying basic business and Hospitably Tourism Management in college, no writing classes...:[ (I have thought about it though, just never really acted on it)
However, I do hope your right about hearing my name in the papers one of these days!
*Glares angrily at Eternal Revolution's comment* Is he trying to compete with me in the Long Comment's catagory? Who does he think he is? Don't he know who he messin with? *flips up my jacket collar* I am THE ORIGINAL Long Comment Leaver, and I do it without quadruple spacing my paragraphs!! It's about to be on, things might get ugly here on MDD...*takes out a switch blade, pushes the button and a comb flips out*
LAMO...lol, I meant LMAO, but once I mispelled it like that in a chat room, and Court was in the chat room with me. Someone asked "LAMO? WTF is that?" and without missing a beat Court answered "Laughing Ass Monkeys, Obviously." OMG, that shit had me ROLLIN.
And that's my totally irrelevent story for the day!
Thank you for your comment, it made me feel good, and then reading your entry made me laugh, so I'm thoroughly cheered up. Especially the line "we just wanted to make out." lol, that whole situation would make me pause, going somewhere and having two of the guys I'd recently messed around with standing there...I seriously think I would have just backed out of the room slowly.
I think Richard's just pissy because it sounds like he's used to having girls wrapped around his finger, and he's not used to them actually going off and choosing someone else over him. I wouldn't pay him any mind.
As for my Richard, yeah, I'll stick with him, I wouldn't know how to do anything else really. He just makes me so mad sometimes, lol, but then I can make him mad too. Sometimes I'll just tell him nice things about himself, and he gets all pissy cuz he doesn't want me to keep telling him, but I do. "You're such a nice guy, you're always so considerate of others." Usually if I push him enough he ends up kicking my ass in a play fight. But it's true, Richard is really the most considerate guy I've ever met. He just does nice things without you asking him to, and without expecting anything. Like he knows I get really irritable in the heat, so he brought a fan over and turned it on facing me. Or on a really cold night he set up this little heater by my bed and covered me with two blankets. Once one of his little brothers was talking shit to me, we were just playing around, but Richard walked in and all he heard was his brother call me stupid. He slapped his brother upside the back of his head and said, "Don't talk to her like that, only I can talk to her like that."
Ah, sucha good guy, and you should see him with his kids! He's only 20, but he's sucha good daddy. Right when they see him they're all over him.
lol, well, enough of that. Thanks for your comment, it made me feel better. And even if Timmy isn't a dating thing, there's nothing wrong with having fun.
*one last glare at Eternal's comment* Everyone wants to be like Raquel, I guess I can't blame them, LOOK at me *strikes a pose*
Okay, I’m trying to get this story arranged into my head so I can comment on it.
*Thinks deeply*
*Still thinking*
*Drinks coffee*
(I’m such a damn coffee fanatic; I have at least four cups a day with a shot of espresso, and that’s not including the cappuccinos.) (And no, I’m not gay….)
(Not that, that’s a bad thing or anything)
-Alright, I think I understand why Richard was pissed off. Now, once again this is from a guy prospective, so don’t take any offence: Guy’s sometimes feel that when they have been with a girl there is some kind of un-said rule that states: (1) No making out or flirting with other guys in front of that him. (2) No massive love stories about anyone but him, and (3) Above all, never under any circumstances kiss or have any sexual feelings for their friends.
-Now these rules only apply to the jealous type of guy… They think that life’s some sort of game of which revolves around them and only them. (Just my assumptions)
-I know this is extremely confusing, just try to understand that his jealously could be the reaction for him caring about you? I know that’s strange to think about when he is with a different girl every other night…
-His reaction could also be the fact that you kissed his friend: Try to put his situation in your prospective, if he went over and kissed one of your best friends, it would just be awkward.(Once again these are all assumptions with no real logic to them)
-Hell, perhaps it was because he was just a little too tipsy… lol-
*Damn parties, there is always the bad with the good*
Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck with whomever you end up with…
Yes, Tim definately sounds more fun than Richard. I can feel you on the arms thing too, I like my guys strong. I don't like them disgustingly big and musclely, but I like the feeling of knowing that they're stronger than me, especially when they use that strength against me in a fun or teasing way *shudders* jesus it's erotic. Example being one guy pinned my arms above my head, both arms, with ONE of his hands, and he held my face with his other hand so that I couldn't stop him from kissing me. Or Robert used to carry me a lot of places, times when I was tired, like if we had been out all night and I was falling asleep in the car, he'd carry me inside and put me to bed. Or other times, like if I was being stubborn and trying to walk away or something, he'd just pick me up and put me over his shoulder and carry me off.
Yeah, strong guys....mmmmmm
lol, anyways, goodluck with that 25 page paper! I suggest a lot of adjectives, and big words...jesus, I never had to write anything that was 25 pages in my life! Though sometimes my diary comments can get that long, lol.
I know I said I couldn't find your username on the memberlist to send you a private message (I said all this in the comment I left on my own diary so you'd read it hopefully) but scratch that! I found you! And so I sent you a private message. Yeah, that's right private. Doesn't it just make you feel all warm and tingly inside? lol, you get it by going to the message board area, if you didn't already know. Talk to you later.
"I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry What could I do? My baby's love had gone And left my baby blue Nobody knew...
what kinda magic spell to use?"
Dude, lol, you have no idea how much that made me smile. I actually have that song in my laptop, so not only did it make me laugh, but I played the song, using my mom's really strong system. So the song was ringing through the entire house and I was trying to get my niece to dance with me. But since she's only 8 months her dancing skills are limited...
Oh man, that totally made my day. Even if I'm still sick, I think that's seriously going to keep me smiling all day long. Thanks Katy, that rocked my socks. You're from California too, right (or maybe I'm just assuming because I live there)? What part? I need to go there, to where the fun people are.
That's so typical, what happened with Jason! I swear, why is it that guys who think you're cheating always turn out to be cheating themselves? Well, I was just updating and then I saw that you had updated again, so I had to check it out. I think the one that got me most is the situation with Gabe. Nothing is ever easy in life. Looking forward to hearing about your senior year.
Madame Star Shine is once again my salvation! lol, sorry, let me explain. I got on and it said three of my favorite authors had updated, you, mario and LightningBug. I checked Mario's, and it made me feel sad, because I woke up feeling not-too-buenotastic. Then I went to LightningBug's, and hers was kinda sad too.
So when I was about to read yours I was thinking, "Ok, Katy is officially my only hope to not totally be in a depressed mood." lol, I'm glad yours wasn't completely sad too, otherwise I would have been screwed.
I know it's hard to try to tell a friend things like that, you hate seeing them in pain, but you don't want to cause them more pain, and you don't want them to get angry at you...but I think you did it completely out of love for your friend, and I think he'll recognize that.
Your entry, even though it was a letter to someone else, made me smile. It was like a reminder that even when we feel sad, our friends are trying to look out for us (like you for mario).
And the "YOU CAN'T LEAVE AUSTRALIA UNEXPLORED!!" line just really made me laugh. Man, where are the fun people like you when I'm bored out of my mind?
*eyes grow big, wide and sparkly* OMG, your Buenotastic Rating just shot through the roof!! Did you just quote Labrynth?! And not just any quote, but one of the BEST moments in the entire movie. *tearing up, sniffles* I think I need a moment...
lol, I love that movie, no one ever seems to know what I'm talking about when I mention it though. David Bowie as the goblin king...*shivers*
I'm glad I could make you feel happy, lol, just so you know your comments make me smile. I look forward to reading anything you choose to write about, I have a feeling it'll be interesting and meaningful, as opposed to some diaries I've read here that made me want to be violently ill.
lol, I'm glad you like long comments, because I can't seem to restrain myself.
Hmm, I commented on your first entry because I didn't notice how long ago it was (silly me), but now I've read all your entries! I hope you keep writing. It's good for the soul, not to mention your entries are an interesting read!
In the past I let my friends influence some of my decisions, and later regretted it, realizing that my heart had been telling me one thing, but I couldn't hear it over the noise of my friends in my ear. But you know, I've found that it's better to try to set things straight and be honest, it's the closest form of closure I could get. I hurt a friend once, a guy who I was good friends with until he started liking me in a more than friend kind of way. I let my friends get in my head, and I hurt him in a way he never deserved, and then he moved away, with that awful bad blood between us. I felt terrible, but I didn't think I'd ever be able to find him again.
Insanely enough, he moved back in the first year of college! I didn't know how to go about it, but I know that I don't want to have any regrets in my life, and I knew if I didn't handle this I would always remember it. So I sat down and talked to him, told him I was sorry and why I did it even though there's no excuse for hurting him that way. I asked him to forgive me, but said that I would understand if he didn't.
Even if he hadn't forgiven me, I would have felt a sense of closure, but he was always a sweetheart, and he did.
As far as the situation with John, you shouldn't blame yourself that he fell into those things. Everyone must be able to be strong on their own, it's not healthy if you can only be strong with someone else. "Before you can say 'I love you' you must first know how to say 'I'." If he can't be strong on his own, then in the end he would have become dependant on you, and that wouldn't be what you want. Two people should come together on equal ground, knowing that they can support one another or stand alone if need be.
Maybe that's why these things happened with John, maybe God, Fate, whatever you call it, knew that both of you needed to develope more on your own, so that one day, when you are both confident in your own strengths and independence, you can come back together. As two equal people who are together not because one needs the other, but solely because they each love each other.
Eek, this is getting rediculously long, so I'm going to stop now! Sorry, I'm kinda bad when it comes to notes, they always turn into letters instead. But I've got you on my faves list, so I'll definately be back!
Sounds like you got some good friends. When I first started being friends with Court, she would try to get me to open up, she would push me, and sometimes I would snap at her or say something hurtful without thinking first. I know I hurt her, but she never held it against me, she always forgave me and kept loving me. Friends like that we should all hold onto.
And you boyfriend sounds good too, mature enough to let things go for reals. Some people say that they let things go, but throw them in your face later, don't you hate that? I don't know the whole situation with Gabe and Bryan, but Bryan sounds like a good guy and no matter how bad you feel, you should stick with what makes you happy.
-Eternal Revolution
